So I was at the grocery store the other day and had a tough time with the kids. Riddock was getting fussy and Maren wasn't doing very well with the whole potty control thing. Anyway, by the time I made it to the checkout, Riddock was pretty much screaming and Maren's pants were wet. She began running around like a banchy.
Side note: Definition of Banchy:
1. banchy
A wild creature with snarly brown hair that is excessive in all its activities.
Runing like a banchy. Pees like a banchy. Sreams like a banchy. etc.
Yes. Maren is definitely a banchy! Anyway, so I kept telling myself just to get through line. Soon it would be over. But when I swiped my card the cashier told me that there was a problem. I didn't know what the deal was. So I asked her to try it again. She did. And again. But no go. I called Scott in a panic. He didn't answer. The line behind me was getting longer and people were really staring now. Riddock was red with screaming and Maren was...well...a banchy! I took off my sweater because I felt the heat of my face spread throughout my entire body. Unfortunately I was unprepared and didn't have any other form of payment on me. So I asked the woman what I should do. She just stared at me. Everyone stared at me. I wanted to crawl into a hole...tell people that my children are usually quite happy, clean, and dry...that we really do have money to pay for our groceries...that this was just a fluke...that I am a competent mother, woman, person. But instead I pushed my cart full of groceries into a corner and told the woman that I would be right back to pay for them. People stared. I started to cry. I picked up Riddock and Maren and left. I was very embarrassed and decided that I would make Scott go back to pay for and pick up the groceries and that I would just have to find a new grocery store to shop at from now on. (After all, we live in Brevard - I see the same people every week). But alas, within the hour I was back paying for and retreiving said groceries. I kept my head low and appologised 3 or 4 times to the cashier.
When I got home and unpacked everything and got the kids clean, fed, and into bed, I sat down and asked God what the deal was with that whole experience. Like, seriously God, what was that all about??? And then He reminded me of something I recently read in the book, Blue Like Jazz. I just finished reading this part where the author talks about an epiphany he had in a grocery store. He stood in line behind a woman who is paying for her groceries with food stamps. He mentions that he, the woman, and the cashier were obviously uncomfortable with the situation. He wanted to pay for her groceries himself, but doing so would only cause a bigger scene. The woman never lifted her head while she checked out. The author says that he later realized that he, not her, was the one to be pitied. He had believed that because a person was in need they were candidates for sympathy, not just charity. He didn't just want to buy her groceries. He wanted to buy her dignity. And yet, by judging her, he was the one taking her dignity away.
So I believe God wanted me to go through that experience in the grocery store to show me that I judge people based on their situation in life. I don't look at them as image bearers of God. I look at them as candidates for pity. What did I want from people at the store that day? Not to pay for my groceries. Simply to stop staring and quietly judging me.
